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  • 🤱"Always Worrying Can Make Parents Not Be Present"

🤱"Always Worrying Can Make Parents Not Be Present"

(6 Minute Read) I don't think people understand how being present can stop parents from always worrying.

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One of my biggest mistakes when I'm teaching my students is when I get caught up in worrying about which lesson plan to follow. I start to worry about what we should practice or study so they can improve and ensure their grades continue to improve. Then, I find myself dwelling on what we did last week and worrying whether my boss or their parents will approve of the lesson we are working on.

As I delve deeper into this rabbit hole, I lose sight of what's most important. Then, something happens, and I snap out of it, reminding myself to focus on what I can do today. After all, I don't know what my students experienced today at school, or whether they completed their tests or homework. So, I take a deep breath and focus on what's in front of us. Yes, I am a big believer in planning, but it's easy to over-plan and lose sight of what truly matters.

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Do you ever find yourself getting caught up in worries about whether you're doing the right thing with your kids? I often question if I'm even a good tutor. I worry if I'm saying the right things and guiding them in the right way. But whenever I start getting consumed by these worries, I realize that I'm not being present in the moment. I completely forget to focus on the here and now.

Well, I've discovered one tip that helps me snap out of it, and I think it can help you too in being present in the moment. But before we continue this conversation, go support the sponsor we love today, here’s a quick ad for them.

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Here's one of my little secrets that I indulge in during my pastime: I love watching Olympic track stars and their highlights. Despite never having run track myself and not being a fan of running—maybe except for once a year—I was actually a band geek. But when I see these athletes running, like Usain Bolt, I often wonder what's going through their minds when they hear the starting signal and break into a sprint. From my assumptions, I can tell you that they're probably only focused on what's directly in front of them in that moment—just running as fast as they can.

I'm pretty sure Usain Bolt doesn't think about his first race or one of his biggest mess-ups in a previous race. I doubt he gets consumed by thoughts like, 'Will I be fast enough in the next race after this?' I think we can all agree that when he starts a race, his entire focus is on being the fastest person on the track. He's not dwelling on his past wins or losses or worrying about his future speeds. It's all about what he can do in that moment.

This is something I find myself doing every time I start to get worried or caught up in the lesson plan—letting go of my mistakes and not worrying about the future, but instead, being present in the moment. I know this might sound obvious, but I'm learning that whenever I worry—and I bet you find yourself in the same situation—it's never about what's happening right in front of you. It's usually because of past events that cause you to worry, maybe past traumas or fears, or things from the future that you worry about, like whether I'll hit my goals or become the parent I want to be.

Listen, to become great at something, you have to be fully present so you can focus on what you can do now.

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This is Parenting

By: Leslie Hannans

This is Parenting: Demystifying parenthood is a fresh, new take on an old tradition, Parenting! For centuries, parents have engaged in a long tradition of parenting, based on how we learned. But, have we questioned our parenting techniques? Have we thought critically about what our actions can do to harm our children? This is exactly what This Is Parenting explores. We will dive into behavior modification, origins of modern parenting, skill acquisition, and more!

Let's revisit the previous two articles about how we can guide a kid during a tantrum. I've realized that every time I start worrying and try to take control, it doesn't work out. The kid will fight back or won't listen. But the other day, when I was with my student and he had a tantrum while other kids were around, I simply stopped, took a breath, and didn't focus on what worked in the past or how other kids should behave. I also didn't dwell on negative thoughts like, 'If he keeps on doing this, he's going to turn out terrible.' Instead, I just had a simple conversation with my student.

I stopped worrying about the future result of getting him to listen to me. I stop worrying about, 'Oh, this is going to make me look like the best at dealing with it.' I just stopped in that moment, talked to him, and got present. I tried to have a conversation. And then, guess what? When he still didn't want to have a calm conversation and continued to tantrum, I stayed in the present. I thought, 'Okay, he just doesn't want to talk right now. He's not going to listen to me.' So, I let him have his moment, and when he's ready to have a conversation, we can handle it in that moment.

I know this might sound counterintuitive, but if it does, it could mean you're thinking too much about the end result, which is in the future, instead of just being present and thinking about how you can be there for your child.

Imagine if you were having a bad day and were crying, and someone came up to you. If all they were focused on was getting you to stop crying, you'd feel like they weren't allowing you to express your emotions. However, if someone was just focused on being present in that moment, they would sit down with you, ask if it's okay to sit with you, inquire if there's anything they can do for you, maybe offer you a hug, and then just stay with you, waiting until you're ready to open up and express yourself once you've finished crying and feel ready to move forward.

The next time your kid has a tantrum, just be present. Don't focus on getting them to stop because that's in the future. Take it moment by moment, and if they're not ready, that's okay.

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