🤱"Do Your Kids Avoid Homework? Try This!"

(5 Minute Read) 5 Power struggle scripts every parent needs when your kids don't want do their homework.

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It's a typical Tuesday evening in my household, and I'm going toe to toe with my son over the math homework he still needs to finish. The TV is blaring in the background, and I'm desperately trying to convince him to turn it off and focus on his fractions. I know better, but I have a blind spot in that moment and my pleas fall on deaf ears. Before I know it, I'm trapped in a power struggle I dread more than math homework itself. 

Parenting. It's like trying to navigate a maze blindfolded, isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out, bam! You find yourself smack dab in the middle of a power struggle with your kid, wondering how on earth you got there. Let's remove that blindfold so you can navigate that maze like a rat that smells cheese.  

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Just as I'm about to throw in the towel and say "Fine, you win," I have a wake-up moment. I suddenly remember that I’m a parenting coach who specializes in raising strong-willed boys. Duh! I've literally written scripts for my clients to address this exact moment.

I know better than anyone how to sidestep a power struggle and connect with my son. So I whip out script #1 and watch as tensions ease. But before we continue this conversation, go support the sponsor we love today, here’s a quick ad for them.

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The first script in my arsenal is what I like to call the "Yes Exactly Script." It goes a little something like this: "You want to keep watching TV, and you don't want to do your math homework." This simple acknowledgment lets my son know that I hear him and that I'm not here to attack or judge him. It's like extending an olive branch in the midst of battle – a gesture of goodwill that can go a long way with strong-willed boys. 

Next up is the "Legitimizing Script." By saying, "It makes a lot of sense that you would want to keep watching TV. After all, this show is really good and you want to know what happens next," I'm validating my son's point of view. It's like saying "I get it – TV is way more fun than fractions." This script helps bridge the gap between us and communicates you make sense to me.

But perhaps the most powerful script of all is the "Tell Me More Script." By saying, "Tell me more. What do you hate about math? Help me understand," I'm showing my son that he matters to me more than the homework. It's like shining a spotlight on his inner thoughts and emotions, inviting him to open up and share what's really going on in his head. 

*Please give a gentle round of applause to…*

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By: Leslie Hannans

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As we delve deeper into our conversation, I pull out the "Problem Solving Script" where I say "Come, let's figure out a solution we both like." This script communicates to my son that I'm not interested in controlling him but in finding a solution that works for both of us. It's like saying, "Hey, we're in this together – let's work as a team to find a way out of this mess. You're not alone."

And finally, if none of the scripts get through to him, I know I can pull out the "Shared Hobby Script." I can say "Ya know what, let's work on a Rubik's cube or Pokemon cards and talk about this later." This script communicates to my son that our relationship matters more than any disagreement we might have. It's like hitting the reset button on our connection, knowing that once we feel connected, we'll have an easier time being generous to each other. (Note: this works on my husband too). So there you have it—five scripts you can use to bypass your next power struggle. If I know anything about parenting, it’s that tools like this are hard to remember in the heat of the moment.  

That’s why I’ve compiled these 5 scripts and several more like them into a cheat sheet for you. You can download them here, screenshot them, post them on your fridge, or keep them on your nightstand to review before bed. 

If you need help with your strong-willed boy, please reach out to me. As a practitioner of The Boy Mom Method™, I specialize in equipping moms with the tools and strategies they need to raise boys who are kind, calm, and cooperative. I’ll teach you strategies like collaborative problem-solving, setting your son up for success, and teaching him to cooperate for the sake of it, not for the carrot at the end of the stick. Visit theboymommethod.com to learn more and don’t forget to download your cheat sheet


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