👩‍👦"Your Kids Hate When Say This"

(5 Minute Read) Why this one change make your kids do what you want!

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The other day, I hopped on a call with my boss for a performance review. It was unexpected, and I was a bit scared, thinking I might be in trouble. However, it turns out she called to commend me on a job well done and express how proud she is of my work.

She highlighted three specific things that she was proud of. When she mentioned them, my first thought was, 'Great! I'll continue doing what I'm doing.' I'm thrilled that my efforts are being recognized, and as long as I maintain this level of performance, I shouldn't encounter any issues.

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Some may view this and think it's a childish way of thinking about it. However, I consider myself a simple person who prefers to avoid pain. So, in this moment, I'll just say, 'Good job!' While talking on the phone with my boss, I couldn't help but notice that she never used negative language like 'don't do this' or 'stop before I defy you.'

Instead, she focused on expressing what she liked, what she was proud of, and acknowledged that I'm doing great. This approach reminds me of one of the main things that teachers often emphasize – the importance of positive reinforcement and encouragement, avoiding negative language when possible. But before we continue this conversation, go support the sponsor we love today, here’s a quick ad for them.

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Rather than saying 'don't do this,' it's often more effective to express what you would like instead. Have you ever observed that when you tell a child 'No, don't do this,' there's a high chance they'll do it again? It's like the cliché that kids are more inclined to do things you don't want them to.

On the other hand, have you noticed that when you tell a child 'Good job' or express pride in their actions, there's a noticeable spark in their eyes? It's a peculiar phenomenon where positive reinforcement seems to encourage and motivate them to continue the behavior.

While on a call with the boss, I found that expressing specific positive feedback has been really helpful. What I recommend doing is simply saying, 'I'm proud of you for persisting even when it gets hard,' or 'I'm proud of you for focusing on getting it done.' I prefer to emphasize actions that can be controlled, rather than focusing on whether something is right or wrong. Because as long as they keep on trying, I can help them work on things that they struggle with.

Have you ever noticed what kind of feedback you respond positively to when your boss is talking to you? Most likely, you appreciate it when your boss says, 'You're doing great this quarter, and your performance has been amazing. You've accomplished this specifically and that specifically—it's just outstanding.' Specific feedback like this makes you ecstatic because your boss notices and acknowledges your efforts. Consequently, you find yourself doing more of what has been recognized.

On the other hand, have you ever noticed that when your boss provides negative feedback, saying something like, 'Your performance has gone down,' and it's very generic, it becomes challenging to learn how to improve? Without specifics on what went well and what needs improvement, you might feel stuck and struggle to make meaningful improvements.

*Please give a gentle round of applause too…*

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